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| (photocredit: marsmeth tallahassee) |
The critical person cannot accept even open-handed help until they learn humility.
But don't hold your breath until they do. They are going to have to radically change their mind to even see, let alone understand, that anyone's welfare depends on how they treat others. (A natural law, actually.)You're best approach is to nod and smile, say pleasant things if anything - then move on with your life.
The person who can't say anything without putting a critical remark in there about someone or something in their lives (yes, I know, that's a tough habit to break - from experience) also thinks this way. Constantly. They have an esteem problem, they are in constant denial that anything is wrong with them at all - and everything is an offense. A version of paranoia, to be blunt.
These are the only type of person who it's useless to apologize to. Because there are two types of apologies:
a) When you actually screwed up and actually hurt someone or something that person cared about, and
b) when that person got "offended" in some way from their imagined slight.
Right now we have several "over-vocal" minority groups which make it nearly impossible to have an honest opinion go public. (Ex: Former CEO Mozilla, current Clippers MBA owner.) Such groups are supported by various factions in the media and government who want to remain in power, so are bending over backwards to do anything these people want. "Racist" and "Sexist" are the two common terms being used - and the white male minority is their usual target.
All of these people, critical. All of them are intolerant of others. And they don't really think you have any right to disagree with them or say anything at all, really (except for sucking up to their magnificence.)
Do you need to apologize when you've done nothing wrong - but their "feelings" are hurt? No. Emotions are created by the individual to support their own mindset, their world-view. (Emotional response is programmed in by the person themselves.)
You only apologize in such circumstances if you consider you have to in order to help them get their emotions out of the way - in order to get back into production on your mutual goals.
And if you have no mutual goals you are working on? Then move on with your life. "These things too, shall pass."
Again, if you consider this may apply to you (especially if you are "offended" in reading this) look over your own communications from a distant view - as if you are someone else reading these emails. See if you haven't been completely gracious in what you've been saying. Is every word you used either objective, factual, or supportive? Every word?
Then there is something to improve on.
Humility can seem painful to swallow at first. But it grows on you. The reason for this is that you really only exist to the degree others around you are supportive. The more you help others, the better you get along in life. Survival and all that.
But the more you say critical things, even think critical thoughts - this is directly lessening your own survival. People don't want to support you when you are being nasty in return for their efforts.
Criticism. Is. Directly. Lessening. Your. Survival. With. Every. Thought.
Start today by letting these critical thoughts go, like any bad habit. Take a breath, relax. Then observe things as the really, actually are. Work out how to rephrase whatever you were just about to say to now be at least accurate, if not constructively supportive. Leave any possibly critical word or phrase out.
Then you start winning your way in life in every way you look. Only to the degree you can insist your writing, speech (and eventually, even your thoughts) are consistently accurate and constructive to everyone around you.
Take no offense and leave none. Two ways of happy living.
PS. If you are surrounded by critical people? Limit your contact. Nod and smile at whatever they say. Be constructive in return to any noise they utter. Find a better way of making a living if you have to. Life is what you make it. Don't limit yourself by having to constantly "keep the peace." You are probably better off leaving such a conversation, such a relationship. Work on only constructive things. Support positive people always. Turn off what passes for "news" these days. Just Be.
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